Monday, April 23, 2012

Restart?

I started working two weeks after my last blog post. I guess miracles do happen. (not really) It was the best thing for me mentally and financially, although the pay is not what it should be it's enough for now and the company provides health insurance. (Hallelujah... not really) The biggest issue for us, still, is Andrew's health. Since we had to do without health insurance for 3 months he didn't get all the meds he needed to save his kidney transplant, that situation was already tenuous. So much money and time (and hope) went into his IV/IG treatments that it was all for not in the end. He finally did get that permanent position at Target, albeit it wasn't full time so there were no benefits to be had. By the time he was well into the swing of things at his job his health very quickly declined. We both saw it coming, though we never talked about it, there was nothing we could do about it. By December it was clear that the battle to save the kidney was lost. The rapid weight loss, the nausea and headaches were all to familiar to me, I knew. One Sunday evening he told me he was having difficulty breathing and felt pressure in his chest. "You know what that is don't you? You are having congestive heart failure. We should take you the ER." I didn't feel panicked, just more concerned. Panic is quite exhausting and I don't have the energy for it anymore. Of course, as is Andrew's way, he wanted to wait because "it wasn't that bad" and besides he could just ask the doctor about at his appointment in two days. This might not seem rational to, well, just about anybody, but there is little one can do when Andrew makes up his mind. He worked a full day the next day and went to his appointment on Tuesday. The doctor took one look at him and said, "You need to be in the hospital. You need to be put on dialysis right away, you are in congestive heart failure." Straight to the ER for Andrew and I was stuck home with the flu, and no car since he drove himself to the doctor. He spent the first night alone at the hospital. I found a way to get to him the next day and retrieve the car but he stayed for some four or five days. I had to tell the kids what was happening and let them know that daddy needed another kidney transplant. Gabi decided that she would research the age limit on donating your kidney to someone and she decided that it would be perfectly appropriate for her to give her dad one of her kidneys. We are not going there at this point. She's too young and we need to sort out the rest of our lives first. Andrew was unable to go back to work for a while as he adjusted to three day a week, three hour dialysis treatments. He looked great after the first few treatments and I saw a glimmer of the old Andrew. Unfortunately, he decided that he must return to his job and he immediately lost all his energy and his healthier look even though he was only working ten hours a week. He has constant joint pain and body aches now and I hardly see the point of exhausting his limited stamina for $80 a week. But again, little one can do when Andrew makes up his mind. Now we are forced into another barrage of tests to find the cause of these new ailments. The doctor mentioned something about rheumatoid arthritis (I doubt it) or something systemic or possibly a malignancy. Really? No tests done yet but we are already jumping to ridiculous conclusions. Sometimes, and remember this on your next doctor visit, sometimes these doctors are idiots. In the meantime, I try as best I can to manage the unnecessary and frivolous drama at work that some of these women create. I want to scream at them to get a grip. Some problems are real and some are just bullshit that you create in your own mind.

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